YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE UNIVERSE - Tyler talks with Hetty Roach about her amazing personal experiences with positive thinking, the law of attraction, and intentionally opening herself to the universe. You can connect with Hetty Roach by searching YouTube and Instagram for H.E.R. Positive Thoughts. Follow The 5-Star Approach on: • LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-5-star-approach • Facebook https://www.facebook.com/5starapproach • Instagram https://www.instagram.com/5starapproach/
with Tyler Small
I wasn't fully ready to open myself up to the universe and to trust the unfolding of life and the patterns. And to trust the flow of the universe. And that everything that is happening in your life, whether it seems good or bad... it's all part of the process.
Tyler Small: Hey, everybody. Welcome to Hacking Emotional Intelligence.
I'm Tyler Small. And today I'm with Hetty Roach who works in IT as a partnership relationship manager. She speaks to a lot of people on a daily basis, understanding relationships, growing relationships, building relationships. And she also has YouTube and Instagram channels called H.E.R. Positive Thoughts - to help those struggling with mental health issues, and spreading positivity and good vibes all over. Welcome Hetty.
Hetty Roach: Hi, Tyler! Thanks for having me on.
Tyler Small: Thank you so much. I just, I've enjoyed the conversations that we've had and I couldn't wait to talk about your development of your relationship with the universe today.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, me too. I've really enjoyed, um, all the conversations that we've been having over the past few months. And I'm really excited to talk about something that I'm so passionate about and hopefully spread that message to everyone listening as well.
Tyler Small: So excited. So can you kind of tell me how it started for you? What was it like when... 'cause I know that you've been you've, you've given a lot of thought, before we met, to your relationship with the universe. And you spent a lot of time meditating and trying to feel your conscience and, and that sort of thing. So can you kind of give us a framework for where things started.
Hetty Roach: Yeah. So I've always been really interested in things out there that are bigger than us. But I think my relationship with the universe really sort of honed in last year at the start of lock down and the pandemic, you know, We all had a lot of time to ourselves to reflect a lot internally and to really think about what's important in life.
And it's something that I sort of stumbled across - a lot of self-development material, um, and that sort of spiraled into law of attraction and learning a lot about unseen forces, um, if you would say, behind the scenes. And that in turn allowed me to learn more about, um, the universe and how things really work.
And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You know, if we can't see something, it doesn't mean that it's not real. Um, I've not come from any background, you know - I've never really been religious or into anything like that. I very much used to believe that the world was just what it is, and there's nothing else, you know. It's just what we see.
Um, well, since I think when you, you know, when you kind of have a bit of a spiritual awakening, I'd say - last year, what a lot of people call it - you realize that there's more to life than just, you know, us here. And there's more than just us as separate individual beings; and everything is interconnected. And when you see that and realize that, you start noticing so many patterns and synchronicities with relationships and with, you know, jobs, and just things that you see day to day. So yeah, that's, that's where it really all started for me.
Tyler Small: Very cool. And what was the twist that started happening after our first meeting?
Hetty Roach: Yeah. So we obviously had our first meeting. We were speaking about how to improve, um, you know, relationships and how to develop things there. I've, I've always been a very open person and I've always been quite easy to talk to, but I think I was kidding myself a little bit and, um, I was probably emotionally a lot more held back than I thought I was until we had our conversation. And when we spoke, I realized that there was numerous conversations, you know, family conversations, partner relationships, um, even with friends and colleagues, that I was holding myself back with a lot. Um, and I remember you asking me, you know, the question to ask, to relationships and to the universe as well: "How can I make this a 5-Star Relationship?" And "what can I do to improve this?" Not just sort of continuing forward on the same level of relationship, even, you know, you think your relationship's great, but when you ask that question, you realize that there's so much more that you can do.
And so I'd asked that question with numerous different relationships. I gave you the example with my sister; we've always been quite close, but after we had that conversation, we've just opened our relationship up to a whole new level. And so I thought, from what you said, well, I've got to ask the universe as well. I've got to ask this relationship of the one power that is bigger than any of us, way bigger than myself and the most important relationship I think for anybody to have. 'Cause it ties into the relationship with yourself as well. You know, you're in a sort of relationship with yourself and the universe at the same time. So...
Tyler Small: Yeah.
Hetty Roach: ...I asked the universe that question, um, as strange as it might sound to some people, you know, who are you talking to? What are you actually talking to? You know, you can't see anything there. Um, and... it might not be that you get, you know, a, a direct answer or a message specifically come into to your mind, but you just get almost these... I go off sort of feelings and intuitions and these things that sort of pop into my head, where I think, okay, well, that's not something that's just come from myself. I kind of got the question back from the relationship with the universe. And the answer was to trust more, and just to fully fall back into that.
Over the past year, I've been learning to trust a lot better. But I think until I asked that question, I wasn't fully ready myself to open myself up to the universe and to trust the unfolding of life and the patterns. And to trust the flow of the universe. And that everything that is happening in your life, whether it seems good or bad, difficult, or like it should be happening or shouldn't be happening... It's all part of the process. And often - what I've learned now, is that sometimes when you're in the process of something difficult happening, you might not be able to see, you know, why that's going on and you might be asking the universe, why are you doing this to me? What, you know, what have I done to deserve this? Like, give me something else. I need something better. I know that there's better out there.
But when you come out of that and you see that better side of things, and you've learned that lesson, it's really a great teacher and the most important teacher that we can have to show us, you know, what's important in life and what paths we should be taking.
And everything always unfolds towards the perfect situation if you ask for that to happen. But it doesn't mean that you can, you will only experience good times. You will experience the sort of times where things DEP. But the universe knows that, and it will always put you back on track.
Tyler Small: So true. So true. You speak so much wisdom, Hetty. I wonder if you could give us one or two examples of specific things that the universe kind of inspired you or moved you to do?
Hetty Roach: Yeah, so I think one of the biggest things was me starting my own YouTube channel. It was something I've, like I said, I've always been very open to speaking to people and quite confident in that way. But public speaking, speaking to people, even on the phone, speaking to people I haven't met before... A year or so ago, I would have thought that was my worst, worst nightmare. And I just sort of had a, a bit of a epiphany in lock down that if I can do this and I can start to get that message out there, even if it only helps, you know, one person to build upon that positive mindset and start to see life in a different way... Then it will change not only my life, but the lives of other people as well. And it was that trust in - I had to trust in the universe, at that point. It kind of came as a bit of a download if you will, from the universe to start doing what I was doing. Um, and to just trust that. It would sort of take off in, in the right direction. You know, it wouldn't be a total flop. I wouldn't be embarrassed from it. Um, I'd gain so much from it.
And it's really been my tool - using my YouTube channel has really been my own therapy. And I know the therapy of, of other people that watch my channel as well. So it was very much that trust in the universe. And even times, you know, when you first start things - like you'll know with your own business - you first start and you think, is this what I should really be doing? This is what I felt called to do? It didn't seem like it was going to pick up at first, but it always does. So that, that was sort of the starting point in realizing the potential of the universe and what it's really there for you to do.
I think a great example in, in terms of trusting and divine timing with the universe is the job I'm in currently. I'd gone through a rigorous interview process, um, lots of interviews and I got down to myself as a final candidate, I was about to be offered the contract for the job. Um, and all of a sudden last minute, it just sort of fell through. They decided they didn't need the role anymore at that time. And I was devastated at the time. I went home and cried. And I don't really cry. I went home and cried. I was devastated that had such a gut feeling at the time. There was something, as soon as the job was offered to me in the first place, I thought this is a place I need to work. This is the right thing for me. So you can imagine when it fell through, I was distraught.
And anyway, I sort of put it to the back of my mind. You now, I tried to continue, get on with life. Got myself another job. But I always had that thought in the back of my mind, this sort of pressing feeling of, oh, it's such a shame. That was definitely the right job. And I don't know why, because I'd never done this kind of job I'm in before.
Anyway, got on with life. And a few months later, the job I was in at the time was very difficult. I was going through a breakup at the time. Um, I was really unhappy in my job. I was just not myself. You know, everyone around me was worried about me. I just wasn't me. And I was so low. Um, and I was about to quit. I said, I just said to the universe, you know, I'm just going to quit this job. I've got nothing else. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've got nothing to fall back on, but I just feel like I need to leave.
And within, literally within about two days of me, um, you know, telling the universe, like making that decision and being decisive, even though I, I knew I had nothing to fall back on and just trusting it was going to work out... The job I'm in now that I'd previously been rejected from, someone reached out to me and said, look, are you still available? And we made a mistake. You know, we want you back. We would like you back in the role. And I, my face just dropped. I was like, no way! No way. I've, I've literally just decided I'm at the lowest point and I've made a decision I'm going to leave. I didn't know what I was going to do. And this perfect job that I knew in my heart of hearts was the right thing for me has just come back round without me even asking or, you know, I didn't ask them for anything.
That was the first huge example for me that when you have that gut feeling, that intuition, heart feeling, whatever you want to call it, that the universe is telling you that you should go for something and you know, it's right. Whatever it's telling you, you know - even if you're rejected from the job, like I was. If you know, in your heart of hearts, That you had a feeling about that, and it was right, then always 100% trust that. So anyone who's looking to start new businesses, or leave a job without anything they know they're going to fall back on. If they know that what they're going to and what their, you know, their heart is telling them, and their heart's in the right place... It will always, always work out. And it's been the biggest lesson for me, too. Always, always trust that feeling regardless of what's going on and what other people tell you.
So that, that that's got to really be the, the biggest kind of starting point of, um, of how I, I came to really thinking, okay, this stuff works. This isn't just what people, you know, spiel out - all these spiritual people, and dance around and, you know, people call them hippies and whatnot. It's, it's real. There's this real truth behind it.
Tyler Small: Wow. That is so cool. I'm just absorbing the story because, like, you tell the story so well, and it makes me just, like you said, reflect on me starting my own thing. And the reasoning for it - trying to help other people, and the trust. My wife talks about that trust a lot.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, definitely. It's such an important part of life in, you know, that if you don't have that, what, what do you have? If you can't trust that - you can't trust yourself and you can't trust that feeling - then you can't really trust that anything around you is going to work out. So it's, it's so important to listen to that.
Tyler Small: Yeah. So I think one of the questions that comes to my mind is, Hetty, how do you know whether it's just your own voice - like you talking to yourself - or, like, the larger universe talking to you.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a question I had when I first I thought about this. I was thinking, how do people know? How do people actually know what it is? I think for me, what I've learned to do is, first and foremost, get yourself into a very sort of quiet space and mindset. I can be in a busy environment and still quiet my mind and allow the space in my mind, you know. Stop the incessant thoughts that we all have. It's really, really difficult as human beings to stop those thoughts that we have. I think we have like 60, 70,000 thoughts a day, and a majority of them are just repeated from the day before. We don't even remember half of them. It's the ones that we have, you know, the emotional attachment to that we remember, and that stay with us.
It can take a little bit of practice, but definitely meditation. Um, and just learning to sit and be the observer of your thoughts allows you then to sit and be that, that, you know, watcher of it. And your more disconnected from your own thoughts as a mind. And you're more connected into the whole, you know, of the universe. And it allows that creativity and those energies and those ideas to flow.
So I'd always say, try and, you know, quiet your mind, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time. If you want to ask a specific question, you can say out loud, or sometimes I just, you know, say it in my head and I'll quiet my mind and just allow the response to come in. Sometimes it's not right there and then, but it might be a bit further down the line, like a bit of a light bulb moment. But because you've given that space to breathe, you've allowed something that isn't your thought to come in. It isn't one of these thoughts it's on constant, you know, going on in your head. And to try if you can - it can be difficult when you're in a dark space or when you're, you know, feeling quite down - to, to get yourself feeling positive. But I always find the best ideas and the best answers from the universe flow when you're in those higher sort of emotional states; or having fun, feeling carefree. Sometimes it'll just sort of happen in the middle - you know, I'll ask a question. Um, I'll be feeling quite stressed and panicky. I'll ask the question. Like, I really need to know the answer to this. Just show me a way. And it doesn't come until, you know, maybe the day later, when I'm out having fun with my friends. And all of a sudden you'll, you know, you'll, you'll go to the bathroom and you'll just think: Oh yeah! Oh, I know exactly how to deal with that problem now. It's all come in.
So, I'd say quiet your mind, practice meditation as much as possible. That is really key. It's just such an important thing. I do that every single day. And if you can't, if you don't feel like you can meditate, get yourself in as best feeling place as possible. Don't obsess over the question you've asked; the answer will come at the perfect time. And you will be able to distinguish that from just the thoughts you've had, because you won't be trying to think of the answer. It's all about - um, I don't know if you've read Dr. David Hawkins book, I think, Power Versus Force. And it's all about being, you know, having the power and giving power, instead of forcing an answer, forcing a response. I need the response to this and thinking, well, what could it be? What could it be? It's all about flow and letting that come in natural timing.
Tyler Small: Oh, I like that. I need to read that book. I'm excited.
Hetty Roach: Yeah. Yeah, it's a brilliant book.
Tyler Small: Hetty, I am just so impressed with the way that you've been able to train your mind and the encouragement that you've given to all of us. The book Power Versus Force; I'm certainly going to read that book very soon.
I wonder if you could tell us a little bit about the saga of you finding a house, and the puppy, the sister, the aunt, and just like all those things that came together, but how you approached it, kind of with that open, like, positive flow that you talked about and just like walk us through that whole saga.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, there's a lot. So I'll, uh, I'll condense it as best as I can.
Tyler Small: I love this story.
Hetty Roach: But yeah, I lived out of home for numerous years. And I've recently, as of lock down beginning last year, moved back home. And I felt for the first time, it's the right time for me to look to buy my own house and to, you know, get my own life. Um, and it was something I'd been thinking about for quite a while - sort of the whole previous year really. And it wasn't until, um, the latter end of last year that I was actually able to be, you know, financially in a position where I was able to look for a house and buy a house. Um, and there was a few things at the time I knew at the time when I moved out, there were certain criteria that I wanted in a house. But, um, I knew it might, I might not be able to get that with what I could afford myself. Uh, but I, I put it out there. You know, I've got a minimum, few things: I want a garden. I want a drive. Um, I want, you know, more than one bathroom. And it sounds like very minor things, but it's - some of the houses around where we live, that's mostly what I'd be able to afford.
Um, I looked for the house online, something came up immediately. Way more than I even asked for, but well within what I could afford within my budget. And again, I got that gut feeling when I saw that house, as much pain as it's caused me over the past few months, I still hold strong to that gut feeling that it's the right house for me. Um, I saw it online. I went to see other houses, but I knew in my heart of hearts, that's going to be the one I'm going to get. Um, and so, yeah, I sort of put the offer in for the house, um, in December last year. Um, and it's, it's, you know, it's been a long process. But I knew, I've always had that gut feeling about the house that this is going to be a house for me to make memories and you know, the perfect place for me.
So I've been very patient in trusting the universe of divine timing on that one. Um, but when I decided to get the house, I always knew when I was going to move out, I wanted to get my own dog. Um, I'd be living on my own, so I thought, you know, best kind of company. Why not? And I actually, I thought I was going to be moving into the house in, in about February time. We're now in May. Um, so I looked online for puppies. I saw, um, my now puppy, Marmite, online. I saw him, again had that same gut feeling and I knew. He was born on Boxing Day, the day after Christmas. So I thought, right, okay, that gives me about two months; I should be at the house by then. It might, might be cuttin' it a bit fine, but I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to get him, you know, I can't keep him where I am at the moment, but I just have this feeling - I'm going to do it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll work out. And I, I was - not going to lie - I was panicking. I was thinking, what am I going to do?
Um, but yeah, I decided I went to see him a couple of weeks old. I thought, okay, you go to see them and, and that's it. You know, you fall in love immediately. So I bought him, but I didn't pick him up until a few weeks later. And obviously still not in the house. I had a bit of a difficult time of having to think, well, where am I going to live? Like, I can't live where I currently am with the dog. We've got cats here at home. So I moved to - very, very kindly moved to my auntie's house. Um, she was, she was able to, um, put me up and she'd previously said, absolutely under no circumstances, if you get that dog, are you going to come and move here. You know, we don't want to another puppy here, ruining and everything, you know, going to the toilet everywhere, ripping everything up.
Um, she, she ended up, without any convincing at all, um, just changing her mind and saying yes. And I think it was a huge part of that in me, trusting my gut feeling and, and going to buy Marmite, um, that it was just going to work out, however it was going to work out really. And I didn't have to put those building blocks in place myself of, what am I going to do now? You know, I was thinking, well, if I get him, I'm going to have to think, you know, I'm going to have to sort of beg a friend or something to stay. But it all worked out perfectly, I think, because I let go of that control and that having to, um, you know, decide what was gonna happen and, and come in, you know, when and how. Um, and instead just went for it and followed that gut feeling of getting the house, getting Marmite. You know, I ended up at my auntie's house.
And that weekend that I actually picked Marmite up, my sister came up from London. We went there; me and my sister have always had a fairly good relationship, but she lives quite far away. We don't see each other that often. But she came up and it was the first time - this, this wasn't long after our first call, I think, and this is when we sort of had the conversation.
And it just all worked out perfectly, you know? Since that weekend that we spent together, we've really built upon our relationship. And it's only grown from then. And so all of these kind of small things that, you know, anyone listening might think, well, that's just the process of life. But these kinds of synchronicities that crop up when you follow these feelings and, you know, have the conversations with the people at the right times, like yourself. Um, for then for me to see my sister who I don't see that often, um, at the perfect time, the week later, and to, you know, have that conversation and to improve our relationship off the back of that. Yeah, that's, that's kind of the process of, of what I've been going over the past few months now.
It's been very challenging at times. Don't get me wrong. You know, it isn't always roses and, um, you know, lovely times. It can be quite challenging, but I think that it just shows that when you just trust for things to fall in place and ask the universe to just give you something at the right time, when it's ready. Looking back, you see all the pieces, you can connect the dots, looking backwards, and it always falls in place. You know, all the pieces of the puzzle come together. So, yeah, it's, it's been, uh, it's been a bit of a journey. I'm still on it now. Um, hopefully any day we'll actually be moving into the house, but I am - I've learned over the past week, you know, I've had some difficulties; I've even thought I'm going to, I'm not going to buy it anymore. I'm going to pull out of the sale. I'm stressing, you know, getting upset at points. And I just sort of had a bit of a realization last week that that's it. There's no point in stressing. Um, I always remember what the Dalai Lama said. He said, there's no point in worrying if you can't do anything. And there's no point in worrying if you can fix it. So just kind of had that realization again, it came with - I read a book from him a long time ago. And that quote just kind of popped back into my head last week. I thought, right. That's the universe, you know, reminded me of something I've read before. Um, and yeah, just, just trusting it all in, in the process.
Tyler Small: I love that, that quote. There's no point in worrying if you can't fix it; and there's no point in worrying if you can fix it.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, exactly. And when you think of that, it makes perfect sense. You think, yeah, why? What's the point in worrying?
Tyler Small: I love it. I love it. I wonder if you could tell us a little bit more specifically - I love the story that you just told; there's so much to it. And, uh, I didn't want to embarrass your sister and we can cut this out if you want, but... You had mentioned to me how, um, like before, like you guys are pretty close and you, like, you wanted to get together. But then like, it always seemed to happen that when you did get together, you'd end up arguing a lot.
Hetty Roach: Yeah. Yeah. Always.
Tyler Small: And then what was the change that happened after you started using The 5-Star Approach?
Hetty Roach: I think what happened for the first time was it was sort of a space to have an honest conversation. We've always, like I said, you know, we've always really got on and had a great relationship in some ways, mostly when we're apart. But when we, you know, used to get together, it was very much sort of pressing each other's buttons and, um, just immediately kind of setting each other off straight away, and just arguing. And it was always just a bit of a stress to think, you know, it's strange because we really get on, but what is it about each other that when we see each other, it just doesn't seem to work.
And after The 5-Star Approach question of how can we improve the relationships? I think that it set in my mind, okay, I need to be totally open and honest to the response that she's going to give. I need to, you know, not be offended by anything. Um, I need to allow her to talk instead of previously, I probably would have said, wait, wait, that's not fair. That's not fair. I'm not like... You know, got defensive and said, I'm not like that.
It really just switched my mindset, that when she started speaking and said, you know, I think this and this, and you can be a little bit like this sometimes, but it would be nice if we could do, you know, X, Y, and Z instead. And if you could remain more calm going forward, even when we've had those times where, you know, either one of us has not reverted back to our old ways, but maybe done something, uh, a little bit, um, argumentative or defensive; is to say, hold on, like, you know that you're not really like that; and that we spoke about this, and to make our relationship better. You know, you need to, you need to just remember, like, don't be angry at me in this situation. And just kind of have that checkpoint to kind of check, check each other again and say, okay, hold on. We spoke about this before. This is not going to be the best way to improve anything.
So... I think that that was what it was, really. I think after we had that conversation, I think mostly on my side, I used to be quite hot-headed and, uh, defensive. I just allow myself the space to say, okay, I understand, you know what I've maybe done that's not so great in the past. Um, I take responsibility for, you know, how I am as a person as well. And we, we haven't had an argument since. So, yeah. It's been a few months now. So I think, I think we spoke back in, um, must've been January, February time at first. So, yeah. It's, it's been really beneficial.
Tyler Small: That's such an impressive success story.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, it is. So thank you.
Tyler Small: You're welcome! That is my biggest success is seeing these things happen. I'm so excited for you, Hetty.
Hetty Roach: Thank you.
Tyler Small: And for your sister and your puppy and your aunt and the universe. So, thanks. Thanks for coming on. This has been a real treat.
Hetty Roach: Yeah, thank you for inviting me on again. I think everything happens for a reason. You know, I, I think that we ended up speaking because I won an Instagram competition. So this just shows - I never really went anything like that. So it shows, you know exactly what, what processes are in play that we don't always see.
And it's been brilliant. It's um, it's always great to catch up.
Tyler Small: Thank you.
And thank you for listening. This has been Tyler Small and Hetty Roach, and you can check her out on her YouTube and Instagram pages: H.E.R. Positive Thoughts. That's H E R, which are her initials. H.E.R. Positive Thoughts. Have a great one.