DO IT FOR YOUR FUTURE SELF - What perspective-taking activities will help you decrease future regret? Listen and find out. "Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: It might have been." -John Greenleaf Whittier Follow The 5-Star Approach on: • LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-5-star-approach • Facebook https://www.facebook.com/5starapproach • Instagram https://www.instagram.com/5starapproach/
with Tyler Small
How are you going to contribute to your relationships? Your health? Your wealth? Your productivity at work? Your career? What are you going to do today to make things a little bit different for future you? You want to set yourself up for something great.
So here's an episode I've wanted to do for a long time. And it starts out with this quote by John Greenleaf Whittier: "Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: it might have been."
I just want to talk about regret for a minute. And I don't want to, I don't want to do this in a way that's like, Oh, I regret doing this. You should regret doing these things. I don't want to talk about regrets that you have currently - because that may or may not be water under the bridge. And I'm a total believer in forgiving yourself, for stuff that you either couldn't control or stuff that just is done, and it's over - let's invest in the future, right? Let's look toward the future.
And in doing that, I think of my future self. And I want to challenge you today to look at your future self and to step into the shoes of that future self and do this little thought activity. I wanted to ask your future self a few questions. So go into your future self. Let's go into the future, I don't know, 10, 20 years. I wanna ask these questions to your future self, okay?
What relationships do you wish that, looking back - we'll call it 20 years, okay? - looking back over this 20 year period - what relationships do you wish you had cultivated? What relationships do you wish you had built up?
You're 20 years down the road. Do you wish that there were more healthy, strong, caring, kind relationships that you had developed, either in your work life, in your business life, in your home life? What type of relationships do you wish you had more of? What type of business relationships? So, you're your future self, right? So you're looking at your past self because that's what we have control of, right? Because we're doing this today. Cause that's actually what we can do now, right?
So, you can kind of bounce back and forth between: the future self is looking back at your current self and saying, Hmm I think my boss or that one coworker, if I just would've straightened that out, I would have had a less stressful life. I would have been able to contribute more to my company. I could have helped our customers better. I could have helped this person to have a better life and I could have made more money. I could have gotten that promotion sooner and I could have made a big impact in the world.
So look forward to the future 10, 20 years, you know, down the road and look and ask that question.
Another question is, what things do you wish you would not have procrastinated? Which things do you wish you would have done?
Next question: What do you wish you would not have done? What are some of the things that you do - that you're doing now - that your future self would say, Oh man, just trust me, stop doing that.
What about your health? How would your future, you, you know, your relationship with your body or your relationship with yourself? Will your future, you, you say, man, you obsessed over your body too much. Or are you obsessed over your body type. You obsessed over those extra pounds way too much. Or you didn't do the active things that could have just made the smallest difference. Or you obsessed over your six pack too much, you know, or, you know, what is it like? I'm not saying that everyone should be this way or the other. But what will your future self maybe say about how you could have handled your health better? Or maybe you are just fine in that area?
What about your debt? Debt can get out of control. It can grow, it can shrink. What's your debt doing? How will your future you - and since you have complete control over where you'll end up 10, 20 years down the line, you have complete control over that at this point. And although we could blame our circumstances, we're all adults here. So we know that that won't do any good, you know, blaming - going and below the line, as I've talked about in my early episodes. So what can you do now with your debt? So that future you is saying, well done past self and thank you for putting me in a good position.
And what might that do for your relationships? Down the road. Right now. in two months, in three months, in three years... if you handle your health and your debt - you're money things. Your productivity with procrastinating or getting things done. Are you a workaholic? How's that going to look for future you - 10, 20 years...
What kind of situation are you setting up for future you? You don't want to say, "It might've been." You don't want to set yourself up for that. You want to set yourself up for something great.
And then of course, to look at your relationships. Are your parents still alive? Are your grandparents still alive? Are your aunts and uncles still alive? What do you want to be doing now so that you feel like you've lived a full life and you've contributed all that you could , in a balanced way , to these wonderful people. And, uh, I'm not saying they're all wonderful, but that's just my assumption that most people have the opportunity to be wonderful. Especially if you develop that relationship with them, they can seem wonderful.
What can you do today? Looking back from the perspective, the vantage point of your future self 10, 20 years in the future - what can you do today that's different?
I don't want you to get overwhelmed. Please don't let this episode overwhelm you. But just think about maybe what you could do in the next hour. Or what you can write down on your calendar so that, you know, you have that satisfaction of looking back and saying, yeah, I knew this was going to happen. I knew I was going to be here 10, 20 years down the road. I knew it was going to happen. And I did that thing. I wrote it down on my calendar. I made a repeating calendar invitation for myself so that I would remember to do this twice a day or whatever it is so that you can have that satisfaction.
Yes, I walked around my building each day in order to be active during the day. And that's how I contributed to my health. Or I reached out and I thanked this person in my life once a day for just something different, something new. And that's how I continually contributed to that relationship.
How are you going to contribute to your relationships? Your health? Your wealth? Your productivity at work? Your career? What are you going to do today to make things a little bit different for future you?
I am Tyler Small, and this is Hacking Emotional Intelligence.