In this episode, Tyler welcomes his 10-year-old daughter. They discuss his first BOOK, THE 5-STAR APPROACH TO PARENTING, which she helped write -- and which is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3e2qxbl Hey - Don't forget to connect with The 5-Star Approach on LinkedIn, Facebook & Instagram!
In this episode, Tyler welcomes his 10-year-old daughter. They discuss his first BOOK, THE 5-STAR APPROACH TO PARENTING, which she helped write -- and which is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3e2qxbl
with Tyler Small
“I love making 5-Star Experiences for you because I love you... That is my favorite story of the book.”
Tyler Small: Hello everyone. I'm Tyler Small and today I'm here with my ten-year-old daughter, Eve Small, and she's going to help me talk about the first book I wrote: The 5-Star Approach to Parenting. She was just nine years old then. And Evie helped me edit and revise parts of the book. And she's in the book a lot because our relationship was my biggest opportunity among our five kids. And so I thought since she was so involved in writing the book, that it would be fun to have her on. Hi, Evie.
Eve: Hi, Daddy.
Tyler Small: Welcome to my podcast, Hacking Emotional Intelligence. Are you ready for a few questions?
Eve: Sure.
Tyler Small: Okay. So Evie, why do you think I wrote this book?
Eve: I would think you wrote this book to help other parents learn how to handle their kids. How to help them have better relationships and to get to know each other better.
Tyler Small: Wow. I think you right on. You know why else I wrote the book?
Eve: Why?
Tyler Small: Because I love you. And I wanted to work on my relationship with you. Is that a good reason to write a book?
So my next question for you, Evie, is: What was it like for you while I was writing this book?
Eve: Well, since I take part in the book a lot, you were spending a lot of time with me and honestly I love spending time with others and that was pretty much a goal solved.
Tyler Small: Nice. And what's your favorite story in the book?
Eve: In The 5-Star Approach to Parenting, my favorite is called A Story About Gratitude. So it begins on page 110...
Tyler Small: You want to read it for us now?
Eve: Sure.
Tyler Small: Sweet.
Eve: …On one such occasion, Evie was asking if she could earn some money. And so I offered to help her do a little business selling flower pots for Mothers Day. I thought this would be simple: plant some cheap seed indoors where the snow wouldn't kill them, throw some water on them, sell them.
It was not simple. There were financial projections, budgeting, fundraising, marketing sales research. Neither of us had grown flowers before, especially perennial seedlings. And lots of driving around. We had to build a wooden wall about four feet tall across half our living room to keep the little ones from dismantling our pots.
We had to research, purchase and configure grow lights above the 22 flowerpots. Most of the pots were about 18 inches tall and 18 inches wide. This was a project of enormous scale for a nine-year-old. Evie spent many nights working with me. She asked for donations at Home Dee-Pot... Deep-Pot?
Tyler Small: Home Depot.
Eve: Home Depot.
She made phone calls. She pushed heavy carts of potting soil. She screwed together pieces of wood. Spread plastic and the tarp over the carpet in the growing area, strung up the grow lights, shuffled around little shavings, large pots, piles of dirt and fertilizer.
Much of this work was physically demanding and challenging for her. There were moments that she actually said were 1-Star moments. One time she quit the business for half an hour before recommitting. At the time we were in the nursery ready to buy over $300 of flowers. Still, she continued on.
Then one night, about a week into our experiment with the 5-Star Approach, we were re-spreading the plastic over the carpet again. We had to move all the pots onto the porch so we could reposition the tarp and then move all the pots back again. This time I had the drill gun. I was putting some screws through the plastic, into the bottom of the wooden walls, so it wouldn't bunch up at the middle and leave the carpet bare around the sides.
Evie was handing me screws. We had probably spent almost 30 hours on the whole project by that point. It was getting late and, like any child, Evie was losing focus. I had to ask her to hand me each screw. I was also having a rough time. Evie observed this and was kindly reminding me to breathe. (Credit goes to her school teacher, Ms. Gerard, for teaching her that; it was amazingly helpful.)
Then Evie asked me: Daddy, why are you doing this? I responded, Well, that's an interesting question, because I've never had any interest in growing flowers. She took a long look at me. She had a tear of gratitude and revealed a dramatic epiphany.
You're doing this for me? That's right. I love making 5-Star Experiences for you because I love you Evie, I replied. She thought for several more seconds and then added: You've done everything for me my whole life. I was floored. She was having that realization that most of us only have after moving out of our parents' homes and starting to do all the household chores and paying all our own bills.
The next time I needed a screw, there was one in my hand before I realized I needed one. She had anticipated my need. The next time she handed me a screw, she placed it directly on the end of the drill bit. I was deeply moved.
Later that night, long after the moment had passed, I raised the topic again, to make sure I wasn't imagining things. I asked her what she meant when she said, You've done everything for me my whole life. She solemnly repeated what she meant, what she said - and shed another tear. My love for her has truly taken root in her heart and mind.
From this priceless experience, I learned that delivering value can help others develop gratitude, empathy, and desire to be helpful. I was amazed and thankful that she took the time to think of me. I sacrificed a great deal of time to do the project with her. And somehow I feel that the breakthroughs we made during the project made it worth a thousand times what I put into it...
That is my favorite story of the book.
Tyler Small: Thanks, Evie. And Eve, what advice would you give parents who are wanting to use the 5-Star Approach with their kids?
Eve: I would... Honestly, give them the advice of, ask them on a date every once in a while, like a daddy daughter day or a son father day, or, uh, you know, you get it like, um, mommy daughter date, that kind of thing.
Tyler Small: Nice. You like those?
Eve: Yeah, I love them.
Tyler Small: Those go a long ways, don't they?
Eve: They do.
Tyler Small: Very cool. And do you have anything else to say about the book?
Eve: Not really.
Tyler Small: Well thanks, Evie. This has been Eve and Tyler Small, and this is Hacking Emotional Intelligence. And you can buy the book - The 5-Star Approach to Parenting - on Amazon.com. I'll put a link in the description. Thanks.
Eve: Thanks.