People who believe in some kind of “higher power” tend to be happier than those who don't. How would you rate your relationship with your higher power? Can the 5-Star Approach help you make it better? Join us to find out.
#28: Building a 5-Star Relationship With Your Higher Power
with Tyler Small
I consider my relationship with my higher power to be my most important relationship. So my question was then why wouldn't I want to use these same steps in order to build a five-star relationship with 'deity'? So I did.
I was reading in Time magazine recently, an article called does spirituality make you happy? And the answer in the article is in fact it does. There is a body of research investigating people who have a belief in some kind of higher power versus those who don't. And it seems that people who believe in a source of energy bigger than themselves, some kind of entity, some kind of spiritual being, a Supreme being, a higher power, call it your conscience, call it your inner voice, buddha, God, the universe... These people tend to be happier than those who don't.
So I want to take that from a very broad perspective. And today I want to talk about how to build a five-star relationship with your higher power. Could this five-star system, the same approach, the same steps... could I just apply this to any relationship? Even my relationship with a higher power?
I'm super excited to talk about this today. I've done this in my own life and I've encouraged the people who I coach to do this. I certainly consider my relationship with my higher power to be my most important relationship. So my question was then if I consider that to be my most important relationship, why wouldn't I want to use these same steps in order to build a five-star relationship with deity? So I did.
I have to say, I'm not quite there yet, but I've come a long way. I actually started off very low on the scale. It didn't take long, though, for me to change that. So let me just run through this.
First comes the ultimate relationship question that I encourage you to ask with all of your highest impact relationships. The question is: on a five-star scale, how would you rate our relationship?
When I first propose this to them, some people are excited, some people are shocked. Some people aren't used to asking their higher power specific questions and expecting an answer. In every instance, the people that I have coached - and we're talking about dozens and dozens of people just recently - have been able to get that answer.
The sidekick question then is, what can I do to make it better? And that directs the future efforts. Then it comes down to the work, the three different types of five-star moments. It goes E-A-T: Experiences, Apologies, and Thank Yous. "Eat." You gotta eat in order to nourish the relationships.
The first is the five-star experience. I ask, what can I do to make a five-star experience for you today? Very simple question. And the answers come. I do those things. And I ask, how would you rate that experience on a five-star scale? And the answers come, the answers come.
It's far easier, I think, to ask questions that are multiple-choice than open-ended. It's actually easier for me to ask a multiple-choice question and then to get that response. Very interesting.
Apology is next. So if our score is anything less than five, it warrants an apology. Apologizing to the universe, right? What does that look like? I think it's important to consider the same steps you'd take when apologizing to anyone else.
If you care about your coworkers, your family members, your significant other, then apologizing to the universe for offending, for not utilizing its power appropriately, for not living up to your full potential... Some people believe that they are a creation of the universe, that there was some driving force that brought them to be. What then is the purpose of this creation?
This question is covered by the ultimate relationship question and the sidekick question, because your higher power knows what it wants you to be. It knows who you can grow into. It knows everything, right?
If you've ever felt your gut, your conscious, your inner voice, talking to you, telling you something that you couldn't have known in any other way. That's it. That's the type of answers I'm talking about.
So how do you do that apology? You're talking about what you did to not live up to your ultimate potential, to not utilize the powers that the universe has supplied for you. You're explaining how you feel about that. Do you feel sad? Do you feel frustrated? Do you feel uncomfortable with that? Do you feel sorry? And then, your plan. Your plan to improve in the future, to make the future better than the past, to invest in the future. Not to beat up on yourself, but rather to be more free to utilize all the gifts that you've received from your higher power in a more productive way.
And then, the thank you. And the thank you is great. I don't know of one religion or spiritual methodology that doesn't include gratitude. In fact, I can't think of any successful person that doesn't encourage gratitude. Gratitude is the key to positive thinking, and gratitude is easy. It's free. It's easy to express gratitude. Thanking the universe for all of these five-star experiences that it is providing to you is one way to build the relationship, just like these five-star experiences and the apologies.
So checking in, every week or so, with your higher power, asking the ultimate relationship question: on a five-star scale, how would you rate our relationship?
So you might think, Oh my goodness, I don't even want to know the answer to that question. How uncomfortable would I be knowing of the universe's displeasure with me. And yet, even in the initial question-asking that all these people have done, as they've asked this question, it's been this really amazing, beautiful experience that they've each related to me. And of course the same for myself.
So I'm really curious about how this goes for you asking your higher power the ultimate relationship question. And the sidekick question, how can I make it better? And serving your higher power with five-star experiences, five-star apologies, and five-star thank yous.
Are you going to do it? I hope you will. Let me know how it goes.
I'm Tyler Small, and this is Hacking Emotional Intelligence.